Arriving 15 to 30 minutes after a party has started is considered to be fashionably late. However, one mom who believes in "making an entrance" has been criticized for taking it too far.
In a viral Reddit post, u/punctualgirly explained that her mom "is always late to everything," such as birthdays, weddings, and family gatherings. The daughter wrote that she finds it "rude and embarrassing."
To put an end to her mom's poor timekeeping, the woman and her grandma have begun telling the mom, in her forties, to arrive an hour ahead of the real start time.
However, their ploy to get the mom to arrive on time for the Reddit user's recent 22nd birthday backfired.
Explaining her story, the user wrote that her grandma had organized a birthday lunch for her, starting at 2 p.m. But the pair told the mom that it was beginning an hour earlier. However, when the day came, she was more than two hours late.
It turns out that the aunt had told her mom the real time as she felt "bad" for lying to the mother.
The poster wrote: "Everyone is pretty annoyed, but we all move on. Fast forward an hour later (4:30PM) I have to start leaving. My mom starts getting all annoyed with me that I'm leaving 'so soon' and that she barely got to see me for my birthday. I told her that my life doesn't revolve around her and that she should've been there sooner.
"She started giving me attitude and listing all these excuses as to why she was late. I couldn't be bothered to hear them and left," the Reddit user added.
The daughter ended the post by writing that her mom texted her about the lying, which she finds rude.
'She Sees Her Lateness as a Special Right'
Lesley McGregor, a parenting expert, told Newsweek her thoughts about the post that has 10,800 upvotes.
She said: "The mother believes that she can be late without having to suffer the natural consequences like the party ending before she's ready. It also looks like the mother can calculate time quite well. She's usually about an hour to an hour-and-a-half late."
McGregor, who works for StellKey, an app that aims to "help families work together," added that the mom makes her own rules on the events.
"Underlying it all, the mother may have somewhat poor time-management skills, but her behavior has been reinforced by the lack of consequences," McGregor said. "If the daughter is upset about it, and she should be, she needs to explain clearly to her mother that she can no longer tolerate the lateness.
"This means that the mother will endure the full natural consequences, the event ending on time etc. The mother may get upset because she sees her lateness as a special right. However, she needs to understand her tardiness has always had a cost; it's just that the cost was borne by others rather than herself. That's neither fair nor respectful," McGregor added.
What Do the Comments Say?
More than 1,000 users have commented on the Reddit post since it was shared on March 28.
The top comment racked up 24,400 upvotes and read: "Stop lying to her. Stop accommodating her. Don't hold up any events or dinner or lunch or anything for her. If she arrives [at] a meal or function and it's over and the food is either gone or put away, then it's 'Oh well, should have been here on time.' I would never hold up one more thing for her. She's rude and has no respect for other people's time."
"Also, stop asking why she is late; She likes the attention. Ignore her when she is late, don't give her more attention, and let things start and end on time," wrote another person.
A third user posted: "I would go one step further and not give her the attention she's seeking. Simply say hi and then go back to your dinner, dessert or conversations. Completely ignore her otherwise. She's late because she wants to be the center of attention. Don't give it to her."
Newsweek reached out to u/punctualgirly via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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